Path to Purple

You told me that this was a blessing in disguise. Your confidence reassured me that I am on the right path. However, I am a weak and flawed human.

I feel so lost.

I feel like God is so far away.

Actually, I don’t know where God is in all this.

I finally voice out how I am truly feeling. You answer something but I forgot what exactly you said. However, right before our phone call ended, you reminded me. Your gentle, but firm voice reminds me what I need to do. Pray. Attend Mass (in person if that is available to me), Confession, etc.

Another person told me, “I’m concerned about you, but I’m not worried about you. You’re going to be okay. Because that’s how you always are.”

Lately, I have been feeling like I do not have a father, a protector of the family. How is a father supposed to be like, I wonder.

Last night, I was attempting to pray at Our Lady of Peace. It was difficult. At some point, I was finally able to hear the quiet. And somehow, my eyes wandered over to the right side of the church and I saw St. Joseph. Sometimes, it is the small moments like this in which God speaks to us.

What you’re chasing after and searching for is Heaven. – Thầy VP, LC

When he said this, I felt both relieved and disappointed.

Relieved that my eyes are set on what I wanted them to be set on.

Disappointed because I know I can never find Heaven here on Earth.

But, Heaven on Earth can only be found in the Mass.

I miss Mass. I especially miss attending Latin Mass.

Today, I went to Our Lady of Peace for Adoration. After I exited the church, a woman behind me said, “That’s a beautiful veil” and that compliment made me so happy.

Another fellow T9 and Sinai 24 Huynh Trưởng from Liên Đoàn Joan d’Arc also regularly wears a gold veil. I brought this gold veil because I was inspired by her and her faith. When I wear this veil, I feel her encouragement from after Cấp 3 when she told me she would pray for me. My gold veil gives me courage to be brave and not be afraid to show my faith.

The veil is indeed beautiful, but not simply because of the golden lace, but also because of what it means to me.

Shelter-In-Place Day 108

Our Lady of Peace allows 10 people inside the church. The only requirements are that you wear a mask, use hand sanitizer before entering, sit in the designated pews, and keep your distance from others.

As I sat and looked at the monstrance, I wondered why did I ever take this for granted. It has been so long.

I prayed. I don’t know how I finally got down to the real question, but I think Jesus helps you see.

Jesus, am I weak?

Monday, June 22.

It is pretty amazing how my previous Spiritual Director can tell how I am doing spiritually through just a simple video call and conversation. And despite how long it has been since we have last met in person.

He was quick to spot where I was lacking. And again, he did so in the most gentle way possible.

You need to take it to prayer.

At the end, he said, “Let’s pray for each other.”

Of course, I’ll pray for you. Always.