A letter from 6 years ago

Shortly after entering college, I began to feel that I did not belong and that it was a mistake coming here. I felt isolated from the friends I have made during high school because most of them attended San Jose State. I started to regret not choosing San Jose State and saving money as my sister told me that they were becoming closer friends. I don’t know when exactly I stopped thinking this way, but I think it happened when I started talking to you.

I really appreciate your patience with me. I take a long time to trust you and explain things because I feel like rejection is inevitable. Thank you for listening to all the things that were bothering me. Thank you for praying for me. On the Wednesday mass that I altar served for, I was tempted to feel angry and hate towards the permanent deacon. But I didn’t because, when I turned to my left, I saw the Jesuits symbol on an old candle and it reminded me of you and you promising that you would pray for me. It was the first time I altar served with the permanent deacon without any negative feelings.

“So God created man in his own image […]” (Genesis 1:27).

During the CLC Initiation night, when I looked at you while we were all standing in the circle, I realized that I see God in you. You helped renew my faith and made me see mass as something really special. I think God had me attend SCU to meet you, so I could become closer to God. When you said that you wanted to be our priest on the last day of class, I thought “You already are one to me”. Thank you for everything.

Merry Christmas.

I am going through a very difficult time this Christmas.

I was truly struggling. After what happened, I laid in bed for about 18 hours, cried, talked on the phone with multiple friends, cried over and over again. My chest was tight and breathing was shallow. I had to force myself out of bed to drink water and eat something. Finally, I reached out to someone I loved.

Today, we talked on the phone. After the phone call, I felt a familiar, old love from long ago. Above is the Christmas card I gave this person 6 years ago (2012). Today, I was reminded of this love again.

This Christmas, Jesus reminded me of this love. Of His Love for me.


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