It has been a while since I have prayed the rosary and when I did in the past, nothing has caught my attention or stood out. I simply prayed the rosary to calm down and relax.
But I guess my Ignatian prayers have become habitual or natural to me now and so, they eventually crept into my rosary prayer.
The 2nd Sorrowful Mystery: The Scourging at the Pillar
Jesus is stripped and unmercifully scourged until His body is one mass of bloody wounds. (Matt. 27:26)
I thought there is no way that Jesus can understand how I feel. He was a man and I am a woman. But suddenly, I saw that he did. He understood how exactly I felt.
The 3rd Sorrowful Mystery: The Crowning with Thorns
Jesus’ claim to kingship is ridiculed by putting a crown of thorns on His head and a reed in His hand. (Matt. 27:28- 31)
It has been a few years now and this has not changed. In fact, maybe it has gotten worse. All I know is that Jesus understands how I feel and I do not have to feel alone.
The 4th Sorrowful Mystery: Christ Carries the Cross
Jesus shoulders His own cross and carries it to the place of crucifixion while Mary follows Him sorrowing. (Luke 23:26- 32)
My new spiritual director told me to talk to Jesus. Bring my hopes, dreams, and suffering to Him. Especially the suffering part. “I know, I know,” I thought and honestly, I thought I already did. I am no stranger to Ignatian spirituality. But as I prayed this mystery, I saw Jesus carrying the cross, exhausted, breathing heavily, bloody, sweaty. I refused to give it to Him.
In fact, I refused to give it to anybody because I fear it is too much.